Monday, 24 October 2011

Cross Party Referendum Question

The leaders of the three institutional government parties have responded proactively to unfair calls of democratic deficit by proposing a referendum on the above question. A new system "EZeeVote" provides pre-printed voting slips for people's convenience.
If a majority approves the proposal the entire electorate will be granted free* Lasting Powers of Attorney for their health and welfare and financial and property matters (normally £130 each) to relieve them of the burden of making difficult decisions and allow them to concentrate on football, Strictly and X-Factor. In return, the NHS will nationalise transplantable organs and coiuncils will be able to billet asylum seekers and economic migrants in householders' surplus accommodation.

*Council Tax will be increased by £52 per year for ten years .

Ice Cream Varieties


Voter's Choice: Take it or leave it.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

As One Door Closes ...

Third column, second row. Click to enlarge. From the classified ads pages at the back of yesterday's Times Magazine. It must be someone else.

Just a query, did any of the Doctor's friend sit in when he was a GP?

Saturday, 15 October 2011

The Truth About The UK-US Special Relationship

Are we the Adam Werrity in this mythical menage a deux? The Yanks call our troops "The Borrowers" as a tribute to our world class logistics systems and their senior officers roll their eyes when ours condescendingly attempted to teach them the lessons of Malaya and Northern Ireland in order to lose heroically in Iraq and Afghanistan (the Dunkirk victory effect).  Recent news reports about American Secret Service Agents telling HMS Edinburgh to swing its Sea Dart and 4.5" turrets away from Ma Obama's hotel room in Cape Town have been misinterpreted as the paranoid Yanks throwing their weight around "We instructivate that you relocalise the non-friendly munitions projectoration apparatus away from the hotel e of FLOTUS, bud, huah, yeah, waah." Actually it was an ironic joke by the Yanks to see what was the most unnecessary thing they could get the Limeys to do so they could continue to claim to be Uncle Sam's Bestest Friend (Israel, actually, followed by any country that  helps America's national interest for the present).
Britain should declare 24 August as its Independence Day and stop and think about our national interests next time the POTUS asks for a big jump. We could, with the last ounce of our sovereignty, reply likewise.

Friday, 14 October 2011

Which Bin Do I Put MPs In?

(with thanks to Joolz, Wikipedia)

Nobody wants the remains of a two week-old Fox in their wheelie-bin. Huhnes are another tricky problem: will the binmen refuse to take them at all?  When I had to get rid of a Letwin recently, I made sure to cover it completely with loads of old letters in the paper, card milk bottle and tins bin. Once it's in the back of the dustcart out of sight, job done. That's the rule with MPs, if nobody sees it there's no rule broken.