Saturday, 28 March 2009

This Makes Me Feel Better


Changes To The Law Of Succession

It's good to know that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are sorted and the recession just needs another trillion quid on the bonfire and twenty thousand more regulations to solve it. Otherwise why would MPs and Our Dear Leader overseas, be bothering about the qualifications for being King or Queen (thinks, that's one job knocked off the 2 million unemployment figures)? Isn't it classic displacement activity? MPs are all claiming money for living where they don't so to distract the voters they turn on someone else.

I don't care who becomes the next or next but one or two King or Queen so long as it's not bloody Barack Obama! It would make more sense for Parliament to vote that Prime Ministers are elected, preferably as the result of a General Election by the British people, instead of inheriting the job from an increasingly undermined rival after waiting a dozen years as a result of a private agreement hammered out during a meal in an Islington restaurant. At least the monarchy is open about its recruitment policy.

Friday, 27 March 2009

Monday, 23 March 2009

MPs Second Home Allowance: DIY Quantitative Easing

As an ex Civil Servant who had to fill in hundreds of T&S forms, making sure that all expenditure was justified, value for money and properly accounted for (no invoice or ticket, no money back) who knew that any fraud would result in disciplinary action (potentially bye bye job and pension, hello Police) I am disgusted by the slack way that MPs of all parties treat the public purse as their petty cash box. If they are caught out fiddling only rarely do they even pay back what they took (What? I said sorree). And now the MPs are planning to rewrite the second homes allowance guidelines so that any fiddling that the rest of the country (except for bank chiefs etc) believe is wrong is actually allowed. Just give the greedy bastards their own money with their pictures on and let them photocopy it to save the bother of finding a cashpoint.

Actually, I have a suggestion for the minimum distance between Westminster and constituency that MPs can claim second home allowances from ( though why they can't kip in a hotel or club when shagging on public premises is permitted for our honourable members). And if they don't want to remain as MPs under these arduous new terms and conditions thehey can get jobs in the car industry or investment banking (that would suit their capabilities).






Being a resonable chap, I would consider claims of more than 490 miles on a case by case basis.

By the way, if you like the music, why not avail yourself of the many outlets from record shops to download websites that sell copies of these songs. The tax levied goes to pay for MPs second home allowances and the wonderful EU.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

England Loses Again

I'm rather annoyed, in a typically English won't do anything about it sort of way, about the shoddy treatment meted out to a Sri Lankan-born Englishman who worked until recently in a Sub Post Office in Nottingham. His crime was to refuse to serve customers who refused to speak English because they slowed up the service for other customers.

FFS, one only needs to know about 800 English words to communicate effectively. If residents of this country can't be bothered to learn basic English (the training courses are free on demand and in many cases, women only) why should they be accorded special treatment as if they have a disability, eg deaf people who may communicate by BSL? Non-English speakers are not disabled, they are either tourists, in which case, "Please", "Thank You", "Two Beers, My Friend Will Pay", a smile and a phrase book are useful and polite or culturally ignorant aggressors seeking to import their overseas lives lock, stock and barrel with the host community expected to accommodate their whims.

According to the BBC report "Managers at the Post Office said the service was for all and they were concerned about the impact on trade." So customers of the 2,500 branches slated for closure don't count, one presumes. Oh, I forgot, OAPs don't blow up tubes and buses so they can be ignored.

In future, I will conduct all official business with PC organisations in Latin and, if I want privileged treatment that no one else gets, I am a moslem.

Update 27 March: Mr Deva Kumarasiri has been sacked by the agency that employed him.

Saturday, 21 March 2009

Bolock Obama





So provided the new American President apologises for the offence he caused after it was pointed out to him it's all right? Wrong! He had an uberliberal upringing and should have instinctively not compared his own mediocre performance to the efforts of disabled people who try just as hard as he does to succeed. How do we know that he doesn't make jokes about disabled people in private? - after all a photo of him smoking twenty odd years ago wasn't released until after the election. I had hopes for Obama when he was elected because I don't wish the American people ill but his recent snubbing of Brown (only British people are allowed to treat him like that)* in favour of long term friends like Biffo Cowan and Iran makes me doubt the judgement of his teleprompter writer. For the sake of the world I hope the Republican Party finds a candidate who's not a religious nut and is under seventy before the next election.


Here's a totally unconnected funny photo borrowed from Theo Spark entitled "Wasn't me" for which I apologise in advance to anyone who may be offended. And if you are offended "honi soit qui mal y pense". And if, like me, you like orangutans please click here or here and scroll down for more links.



* I've just thought, does Obama have problems relating as an equal to disabled people? Brown is well known to be visually impaired.

Thursday, 19 March 2009

But He Is Phoney




(With acknowledgement to the estates of M Rene Magritte and Sr Salvador Dali)


Tuesday, 17 March 2009

British Jobs For British Workers No347

Or not in the case of the new "British" nuclear reactors. Apparently, the French company (85% state-owned) building them is ring-fencing a third of the contact for itself and British companies will have to compete with international competitors for the rest. So much for free trade and the single European market or whatever the Eurines call Franco-German chicanery this week. Mind you, given Gordon "Chamberlain" Brown's appeasement of the Iranians regarding nuclear power, most of the instruction manuals will need to be translated from Farsi. He is also prepared to reduce the size of the British nuclear deterrent to help world peace and disarmament. In other words, Gordon is admitting (although he will not admit to admitting) that Britain will be bankrupt when Trident needs replacing and only something along the lines of HMS Indefensible, as brilliantly forecast by Daily Referendum, will be affordable.
I'm going back to sawing up wood to ease my blood pressure.

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Radio 4 Sunday Morning Spoilt

It's 8:10 am and I'm just waking up having heard the news and newspaper review. So what does the cruel Radio 4 scheduler do next? Sunday Worship on FM as well as LW. So I have to turn the bedside radio off and, with the withdrawal of auditory stimulus, my sleepy brain returns to sleep mode and I don't wake again until 9:30am ish. What a waste. Can't Radio 4 do the same on Sunday as it does during the week and just have religious services on LW? It's bad enough having the platitudinous nonsense of guardianspeak added to an invisible magic friend (aka Thought For Today) interrupting the Today programme. Why not have a thought along the lines of "We're on our own, this is our only chance at life, try to be nice to each other or at least mind our own business."? So come on Radio 4, put a decent documentary programme on between 8:10 -8:50 am on Sunday on FM.

Sunday, 8 March 2009

The "Special Relationship"


There was a time when generous Americans gave us decent gifts like Lend-Lease North American Mustangs and Sherman tanks. But that was then.

Now the poor relations from Europeshire get fobbed off with plastic helicopters from the White House giftshop and a boxed set of classic dvds (still, the thought and preparation that someone put into clipping the coupons from the newspapers and posting them off with a sae is appreciated). Will someone please tell Gordon that he can't make Obama his friend by buying him nice presents. Besides, the Obama presidency embarrassed Russia with a gift of a red button marked "overload" in Russian (can't any language experts in the State Department access Babelfish?). Brown has to realise that Obama hails most recently from the notorious Chicago, Illinois democratic party machine where all friendships and favours are paid for. If he ain't givin' he ain't wantin'.

In the famous words of the 3rd Viscount Palmerson "We have no eternal allies, and we have no perpetual enemies.Our interests are eternal and perpetual, and those interests it is our duty to follow."

Friday, 6 March 2009

Attrition Economics

That's what quantative easing or printing money really is. If the objective, ie beating the enemy, or restoring liquidity in the credit market, is achieved then governments will argue the cost is worth it or if the original objective is not achieved then a revised objective, ie not losing or delaying financial collapse, is adopted to justify the losses.
The repeated interventions by governments in the finance market with our money are like the strategies adopted by the Allies in the early part of the First World War or the Soviet Union in the Second. Governments that have no idea how to win but have to to gain time to delay defeat squander the most easily available resource. Now it is money, then it was soldiers.
Central bankers and finance ministers pretend they know how to cure the problem but so too did the general staffs who planned Verdun, Stalingrad and Dien Bien Phu. Those are all examples of reinforcing stagnant failure. The only thing that one can be certain of is that the world economy will be radically different when recovery happens. However, the methods so far adopted by governments have been rigid and unimaginative - anyone could read an economics textbook and suggest the same "cures". What is needed is flexibility and far-sightedness. If the problems created by the financial industry are indeed to great to be resolved, then a strategy to bypass and quarantine the problems needs to be developed by economists. A good general is not one who wins all his battles but who only fights the battles he must fight to win the war.
My strategy for getting economies out of recession inverts the policies that have been used to precious little effect so far. I accept that consumer demand has been significantly reduced which impacts on the economy upstream. Orthodox economists argue that demand can be increased by making money cheaper and more freely available. I agree, but propose that instead of adding money to the economy to increase demand from the top down it should be done from the bottom up. Give ordinary people more money in their pockets, give them a guarantee that their jobs and homes are safe while the recession lasts and they will spend money, keep businesses going and keep colleagues in work. I call this economic recovery strategy "the teaching kids to ride a bicycle method" whereby one runs alongside with a hand on the saddle helping to keep the bike balanced until, without the child being aware, one lets go and the child has learned to ride the bike without thinking.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Edward Kennedy To Receive An Honorary Knighthood

Yes, that Edward Kennedy, the son of a Prohibition bootlegger (his cv gets worse after that), on whom surgeons recently operated to remove a malignant brain tumour. The good news is that the tumour is responding well to treatment.
What is the sudden need to hand out a gong to this man who publicly hated citizens of the United Kingdom? Should I buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate something? If it's necessary to award an American politician an honour why not give him Lord Ahmed's ermine dressing gown?
I hereby nominate an American who really deserves an honorary knighthood.
click here for more information.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Richard Littlejohn And "The Court Of Public Opinion"

This column in today's Daily Mail is excellent Littlejohn magic. His demolition of the vacuous Rt Hon Harriet Harman QC (never was anyone so undeserving of those name brackets) ranks on a par with his bitchslap of Polly Toynbee (an equally privileged dim sister) on Question Time. I would recommend the lad for a knighthood if Blair and Brown hadn't irretrievably wrecked the honours system by misusing it to pay back favours to cronies instead of acknowledging outstanding public service. I bet Her Majesty wishes she could slice a few heads off instead on tapping undeserving shoulders.
Digressing, if HH was a University Challenge contestant (by right of quota) her sole contribution would be a series of minus five points for incorrect interruptions.

Sunday, 1 March 2009

Will Clare Short Be Proescuted Under The Official Secrets Act?

Well, she has confirmed what we all assumed but which our political masters don't want us to know. The point is, is that what goes on in Cabinet is classified and if a public-spirited Civil Servant had leaked the document (a blank sheet of paper) he or she would be arrested at 5am by the Nulab Stasi.
Apparently there was no discussion on the rights and wrongs of the Iraq invasion according to this article in today's Mail on Sunday. So Jack Shit's claim of National Security is actually New Labour Security. The last lot of scum who mixed up national and party interest ended up at the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials. Perhaps the next Conservative government could pencil in few month's business at The Hague for Blair, Brown, Campbell, Scarlett etc to assure us of their innocence on the charge of waging aggressive war.
Digressing, it is droll to discover that Oor Gordon ignored the "Auld Alliance" with France to take the lead in a campaign to blame the French non for effectively forcing Blair and Bush to invade Iraq. There was nothing else we could do but start a war to find the weapons we knew didn't exist. How did the two best armed countries in the world end up with leaders who believed they had carte blanche from their imaginary magic friend? And we are worried about theocratic Iran!