Wednesday, 29 July 2009

A Modest Proposal

It's all fine and dandy for Alan "Labour's John Major" Johnson to say that he is happy about the population of the UK to rise from about 61 million to 70 million. as he and the rest of the political nomenklatura will be safeguarded from the effects of government policy while the rest of the country is forced to live closer together. While the population of the UK is forecast to rise the population of England will rise disproportionately: indeed so unpopular is Scotland with immigrants that living there will fast track naturalisation. And where will the extra ten million go with all the proposed windfarms filling up the countryside?
This statement of the bleeding obvious from a Judge and the "British" Council's proposal to outsource 100 jobs to India has got my little grey matter working on a modest proposal to solve the immigration problem and, coincidentally, improve the welfare of deserving foreigners.
I propose a pilot scheme of Offshore Immigration. People wishing to migrate to Britain for economic or asylum reasons will instead be located in parts of Africa or Asia rented from the local kleptocracy and managed by a charitable trust without government funding. Favourable leases will be granted to companies wishing to establish manufacturing factories using locally-sourced raw materials and taxation will be kept to a minimum. Compulsory English language and culture training will be provided and after ten years' satisfactory service all migrants will be eligible to apply for British residence conditional on the availability of long-term jobs. Migrants will be able to return to their countries of origin at any time and remittance of salaries to boost their homeland economies.
It may be argued that it is unfair to migrants to disallow their residence in England's green an pleasant land but they would still obtain considerable security and economic advantages. Just don't call the offshore economic areas colonies.

7 comments:

CherryPie said...

The initial idea is a way of cutting costs by paying less money to people oversees because they are poorer than we are and expect less. The move means that my colleagues in a local department will lose their jobs for the scheme to go ahead.

Your scheme however ;-)

Gallimaufry said...

But it's "only" 100 Civil Servants who don't do any work and get "gold-plated" pensions as well according to the media.

CherryPie said...

Maybe we need to start our own newspaper up LOL

Gallimaufry said...

Or rather three newspapers - plus one for the file. :-)

CherryPie said...

LOL

James Higham said...

I propose a pilot scheme of Offshore Immigration. People wishing to migrate to Britain for economic or asylum reasons will instead be located in parts of Africa or Asia rented from the local kleptocracy and managed by a charitable trust without government funding.

That's really rather good. I'm currently going about stealing other people's ideas and putting them in my new platform. CBI is one, this is another.

Gallimaufry said...

No need to steal James, it's a gift. CBI = Citizen's Basic Income ? That is a good idea.