Tuesday, 13 January 2009

I Know Where Gordon Brown Is Getting All That Money He is Spending To Do Everything To Avoid Recession

Rumour has it that the Treasury has set up an e-finance section to take advantage of joint-venture banking schemes with West African partners. Quite brilliantly, our finest financial brains are investing £50 billion of hard-worked taxpaying families' money in projects that are anticipated to net some £500 billion of otherwise unused money in dormant bank accounts. And all this for providing HM Paymaster General bank account details and the combination for the Bank of England bullion room.
Using Freedom of Information accessed information (well, don't leave your papers on the table on the train when you go for a meeting with McNutley/have a poo), I can reveal the text of one of the memoranda of understanding between HMG and a Mr Ahmed Aba.

Dear Partner,
It's just my urgent need for Foreign Partner that made me to contact you for this transaction.I am a Banker by Profession from Burkina Faso in west africa and Currently holding the Post Of Foreign Remittance Manager in our Bank. I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($7.5Million) of one of my bank clients who died in the World trade Centre in america September 2001. Hence, I am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60%for me / 40%for you alone. Further details of the transaction will be forwarded to you as soon as i receive your return mail,Have a great day. Contact me via this e-mail address: mr.ahmad@live.fr
TRUST IS THE ENVELOPE TO OUR SUCCESS.
Mr Ahmed Aba.

According to an eminent British banking executive "It's guaranteed free money because banks and bankers are inherently capable and trustworthy and all due dilligence can be assumed to have been done by the Burkino Faso authorities. Besides, I may not understand it fully but then I didn't understand those ninja derivatives that Rupert and Saskia said were such a bargain. Fair enough, the bank caught a cold on those but good old Darling came up trumps with £10 billion in short order to keep our pensions and bonuses happy."

3 comments:

William Gruff said...

Sometimes I suspect that you are almost as angry and cynical as I.

J said...

Brilliant.

Gallimaufry said...

Many thanks for your kind comments Gruff and J.