Thursday, 24 December 2009

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

Goodwill to All* Men and Women especially those serving in Afghanistan. Take care and come home safe and soon.
The photo is of a vase of paperwhite narcissus on our kitchen windowsill. They smell absolutely lovely. Press F6 to download the aroma. (This may not work with IE7). Every year I order prepared narcissus bulbs from J. Parkers in Manchester and every year they are wonderful. This year I'm growing both indoor and outdoor hyacinths. Can't wait for them to bloom as the scent will be amazing.
I hope you all receive what you need and share time and happiness with your loved ones in return.
By the way, global warming is back as the ice on the lawn is melting!
*with the obvious exceptions too numerous and evil to mention.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

William Webb Ellis

I always understood that William Webb Ellis invented the game of rugby football when he caught the ball during a game of football at Rugby School and ran up the pitch with it. At my old school that would have merited a detention as quite enough ball games had already been invented and the games staff couldn't manage to learn another set of rules.
Now it appears that Gareth Thomas has actually reinvented rugby as a gaysport (and therefore right on) because he has admitted to being a gayer and because he's a homosexualist he is therefore sitting on the right hand of Barrack Obama according to organs like the BBC. Big deal. Rugby = groping men and sharing showers and baths and singing mysogynistic songs. Who ever thought that rugger buggers (as we non 1stXV types called them) were not predominantly Mandelsonian in their outlook? Certainly the "work" of the part-time solicitor and full-time cauliflower-eared rugby player who spent months on the conveyancing of a house I was selling could best be described as buggering up.
What if a female PE teacher or a male interior designer came out as heterosexual? There would not be the same frisson of interiest amongst the mediarati. Indeed, the story would be spiked. It's the same when someone famous or related to someone famous or known to a journalist announces they are converting to islam. Big news story because it's naughtily different and fills up the empty white spaces. The Gareth Thomas "story" reveals more about the narrow, juvenile minds of the mediarati than it does about the World of Sport (what a desperately, boringly sad Saturday afternoon that dire splodge of electrons was).

Seasonal Nonsense From A Religoon

A publicity-shy Anglican Vicar has suggested that unemployed people should, as a last resort, shoplift from big shops rather than little shops or mug or burgle. No mention is made of pursuing a career in politics, law or merchant banking. Ahem, surely the best place to nick from is churches with lead roofs, communion plate and collection boxes for postcard and guide moneys ( as an atheist I enjoy church architecture as I appreciate the skill and hard work that went into building the hangars of hope). Remember, all religions are extremely well acquainted with making their businesses as tax efficient as possible, have charitable status and sizeable property holdings. Besides, to hide their vast wealth, religions are big on helping poor people. And why not spend Christmas, or indeed the rest of the year, in the spare room at the vicarage of Father Tim Jones of St Lawrence with St Nicholas in York.

Vera Baird Non News Item

The Daily Mail has been chasing a story about how the genial, popular Solicitor General vera Baird QC MP reacted to a little person when her dog shat on a station platform. Big deal. The real story is how NuLabor has shat on my country every day since May 1 1997 and rubbed my nose in it. To the scaffold with all of them. And if Dave doesn't pass an Act repealing all Nulab legislation on the first day of the new parliament the scaffold's trapdoor will need to be oiled and tested to encourage the new boys and girls.

Another Nail In Blair's Coffin

During a no-holds-barred forensic interrogation from Fern Britton our beloved ex-Premier (misunderstood by the very people who should be naming their firstborn Anthony Charles Lynton in respectful gratitude for His gifts) admitted that he would have had the Armed Forces turn up for Iraq War 2 just to depose a very nasty Arab leader (not that tame chap in Egypt, or those nasty ones in Syria or Libya) even if the WMD didn't exist (that's why he's so keen on faith: every time someone said their were no weapons Nuclear, Chemical or Biological a warhead expires). Big deal. We all knew that already.
However, genial Arran-wearing, pipe-smoking "Gerry" Adams has recently been forced to admit that he knew his brother sexually-abused his neice over a long period and his republican gangster father had similarly perverted appetites. Now, Special Branch and MI5 were especially effective in Northern Ireland during Operation Banner and I doubt very much that they were unaware of such dangerous information (certainly people were murdered by terrorists for knowing or appearing to know much less). Which raises the question, did Tony Blair shake hands with someone he knew had who helped cover up child abuse (like the Irish Bishops) in order to build a political Potemkin Village in the Province? TB is a very religious chap, certain of His Goodness so he would not have doubted for a moment that what he did was wrong. Besides, His conversion was accompanied with confession that absolved Him of any sins (just as the kiddy-fiddling priests did for each other, no doubt). But the whole affair stinks of hypocrisy and realpolitik.

Saturday, 12 December 2009


After watching Barrack Obama collect his Nobel Peace Prize and make his usual pompous, echoing speech (he sounds as though he is practicing in the bath), I decided that a soupcon of mischief was in order. Let's get the sausage awarded the 2010 prize for his efforts from February 2009 onwards. So I went to the Nobel Prize website and... discovered that little people like me couldn't nominate anyone.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

The Nelson Touch

Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson lost his eye during the bombardment of Calvi on Corsica and his right arm at the Battle of Santa Cruz de Tenerife in the Canary Islands in 1797. He then had to learn to write with his left hand. He was an excellent leader, sympathetic to his men and able to inspire initiative, courage and great loyalty in his men from the lowliest Jack Tar to his captains. Indeed, when news of his death broke after the Battle of Trafalgar, hardened salts who had been fighting the enemy fleets at close quarters a few hours earlier, broke down in inconsolable floods of tears. Nelson's style of leadership became known as the "Nelson Touch".
So I have no sympathy for ""the clunking fists" of our over-promoted, sociopathic, inadequate Prime Minister. Why doesn't he make proper use of the secretariat staff at 10 Downing Street? A handwritten message of sympathy on the death of a son must be right first time so it must be checked and double-checked before posting. In a way it's the closest, an MP will get to making safe a booby-trap, except that if he gets it wrong there's only a day or so of embarrassment.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Good News

Repellent Labour Luvvie Millionaire, Ben Elton, is reported in today's Daily Mail as being on his way to live in Australia. Good! Type F*** Off into your satnav for directions. Apparently he has grown tired of the increasingly crap and restrictive Labour regime here. So why did you ever vote for them, Smartarse? Pace Jeremy Clarkson, he won't be stung bitten or poisoned by all the nasty creatures in Oz (apparently even PM Kevin Rudd, like a good socialist, has a short fuse with underlings) because of professional courtesy.

The quote from the Daily Mail article that made me chortle was:

"'My problem with the Australian economy is I earn all my salary in sterling and the Australian dollar has gone crazy,' he said.
'It's (worth) 55p. It was 38p a couple of years ago. As someone earning sterling living in Australia, I'm b*****ed."

Ben, Ben, Ben. If the Aus$ bought 38p a couple of years ago and now buys 55p, that means that the Aus$ has appreciated against the £ by about 50% or the £ has fallen by about 30%. O Level economics before Nulab dumbed it down. How could that happen to the currency of the economy best suited to weather and recover from the Global Recession? Answer, because Gordon Brown ran deficits and John Howard ran surpluses, And no Australian bank failed, was nationalised or needed funny money from the Bank of Taxpayers.
Your name's Ben Elton. Good Riddance!

PS Is today's Times headline connected?

Friday, 6 November 2009

Apache and Chinook Helicopters Over Coventry

Yesterday afternoon I spotted a pair of Westland Apaches flying in a westerly direction from the general area of Baginton Airport and this afternon I saw a Boeing Chinook fly south from the same part of the sky.
To the best of my knowledge, the AAC bases its Apaches at Wattisham in Suffolk and the RAF homes its Chinooks at Odiham in Hampshire. The nearest military heli base is RAF Shawbury in the wild west of Shropshire. I wonder what they were doing as I've never spotted these types locally before. I'm pretty sure neither heli type was being used to chauffeur our esteemed Defence Minister to his Coventry North East constituency. Any ideas?
Are plans being made to fight the War on Terror in the Midlands to save on travel costs and reduce the carbon footprint by moving it from Afghanistan? Our wonderful Nulab government imported plenty of Afghans and others as part of its now regretted (now the votes are vanishing) policy of bulk delivery multiculturalism.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Non-Expert Drugs Advice

Never take a sleeping tablet and a laxative the same night.

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

I'm An Aviation Anorak

Peter Brooke's cartoons for The Times are excellent. However, I have a few nits to pick from this one purporting to show a Fokker DXXI fighter. The camouflage scheme is 1940 standard Luchtvaartbrigade (Dutch Army Aviation Brigade) rather like this excellently preserved example:

However, the swastika in a white circle on the fuselage indicates a Finnish Ilmavoimat aircraft in the Winter War/Continuation War but the swastika should be light blue and the camouflage scheme olive green uppersurfaces and light blue undersurfaces. The blue swastika symbol was a hat-tip to the Swedish Count Eric von Rosen who helped Finland in 1918 and 1939 as it was his personal emblem.

And why is the Dutch Fokker company funnier than the German Focke-Wulf concern? Here's the prototype Focke-Wulf FW190V1:

And how about this SPAD aircraft flown by the American volunteer Escadrille Lafayette in WWI?

Or this Siemens Schuckert flown by German Ace Fritz Beckhardt?

Given the BNP's attempt to link itself with the Spitfire,I reckon this famous clip from "The Battle of Britain" is very apt:

Pub Bores

I've blogged before that one should never argue with an idiot as bystanders might not be able to tell the difference. Why politicians are debating amongst themselves about the rights and wrongs of appearing on the Question Time panel with Nick Griffin MEP is beyond me. I don't like the man nor his party's policies and don't feel a need to beat him in an intellectual argument because his politics do not function on an intellectual level. If I was in a pub and someone began spouting BNP nonsense I would take my drink elsewhere. No point rebutting his claims other than directing him to this website. Thank you for your service and sacrifice.

Now these chaps are worth listening to - and buying a drink!

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

A Couple of Musings

Why didn't Our Dear Leader get the Nobel Economics Prize for saving the world instead of Oliver E. Williamson and Elinor Ostrom?
Did Barack Obama get the Nobel Peace Prize for having Roman Polanski arrested? That's reasonable as far as I'm concerned because it's annoyed the Frogs. By the way, why don't the pro-Polanski chatterati support another guilty sex-offender and film-maker? Please could someone brighter explain the difference.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Dougie Alexander: Rocket Scientist

photo thanks to the Daily Mail

No really. It appears that the brother of Wendy Alexander is helping to fund a major part of the Indian Space Programme, which announced the discovery of water on the moon by its moon probe. Wee Dougie is the Secretary of State for DFID which has given India £200 million annually since 2001 according to this booklet. Admittedly, British taxpayers' money is actually spent on schemes to alleviate poverty, but why doesn't the Indian government give that a higher priority than space technology? How many British moon probes have there been? In return, Tata Industries is planning to close either the Solihull (LandRover) or Castle Bromwich (Jaguar) plants despite receiving subsidised loans. I reckon Dougie should pilot the next Indian moon probe so he can plant his saltire where the sun doesn't shine (the far side). The plain fact is that international development allows countries to continue playing at empires after they granted independence.

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Fourth Trident Sub To Be Sold To Iran?

Close sources today speculated that the fourth Vanguard class Trident nuclear deterrent submarine will be decommissioned and sold to a Middle East based company for conversion into a floating hotel. Prime Minister Gordon Broon stated that the move was not due to the MoD's inability to pay the crew's wages but a bold step to encourage Iran, Pakistan, India and North Korea to abandon their nuclear programs. Citing the £17.50 sale price as a major contribution to investment in middle-class people working hard during the global recession, McBroon refused to comment directly when asked if the deal had been brokered by TB Peace Industries Inc, which announced £1.5 billion annual profits today. Defence sources stated that the sale price could have been as low as £10 if work to remove the missile silos and associated electronics was carried out in the UK.
Iranian President Madmaninadinajaqet stated that the submarine would help the tourism industry in Abadan. President Sarkozy made the following comment "Ha-Ha" and Sr Barroso of the EU proposed that the UK's UN Security Council seat could be transferred to the EU in return for an increase in UK budget contributions.

Saturday, 19 September 2009

Tesco Has Double Standards As Well As Double Clubcard Points

Not allowed in Tesco

A Jedi Knight was asked to leave a branch of Tesco' because he was wearing a hood - like any Jedi would. I take the view that all religions are equally daft and so my reaction is obvious. But why don't Tesco treat women who wear headcloths appropriate for 7th century Arabia the same as people pretending to be from a galaxy far far away a long time ago?

Support Our Soldiers Christmas Appeal 2009

Apologies for nicking this from a comment by Alison on James Higham's excellent Nourishing Obscurity blog.

Please make a donation here on the fact-packed website.

Thursday, 17 September 2009


What a splendid word to describe the employment travails of Baroness Scotland. However, Nelson Muntz puts it more succinctly here. Will she be able to reclaim the £10,000 civil penalty that anyone else in these circumstances would be liable for? She's definitely not Bog Standard.

Monday, 14 September 2009

Cargo Ship Makes Historic Journey Through English Channel Without Icebreaker

A cargo ship similar to the MV Noresearch.

As a result of climate change caused only by rich successful Western countries a cargo ship today completed a transit of the English Channel without assistance from an icebreaker.
No icebreaker needed for historic voyage.

The captain of the vessel, MV Noresearch, 15,000 tonnes was able to stand on the ship's bridge in shirtsleeves during the voyage.

photo illustrating naval cold weather gear before climate change.

He reported seeing no Polar Bears, which is because of overfishing and Americans eating meat according to the only climate scientists who tell the truth and refuse to deny the overwhelming evidence.

An iceberg. Note the absence of Polar Bears.
The extent of the ice sheet in the Northern Hemisphere is at its lowest since the end of the last Ice Age more than 11,000 years ago.

Mr Marlowe, an expert on the shipping industry stated exclusively that the "English" Channel or La Manche as it is more usually known could become the world's busiest shipping lane, thereby potentially saving billions of tonnes of CO2 by avoiding the alternative Southampton-motorway-Harwich route to the North Sea.

Thursday, 10 September 2009

Oil Discovered In Liverpool?

Michael Shields, the Liverpool fan gaoled for assaulting a Bulgarian barman today received a Royal Pardon from MinJust Jack Straw today. According to the BBC " in 2008 two senior High Court judges ruled that Mr Straw did have the "power and jurisdiction" to exercise the ancient royal prerogative of mercy in his case. "
So perhaps Jack Straw should exercise that same royal prerogative of mercy and tell Obama bluntly that Gary McKinnon isn't leaving Britain for Wild West Justice.

Biffo Cowan Takes British Lives For Granted

In a daring raid New York Times journalist Stephen Farrell was rescued by British forces. A British soldier, Farrell's Afghan interpreter and an Afghan woman were killed in the raid. British PM Gordon Brown honoured the bravery of the dead British soldier and the "breathtaking heroism" of all those taking part in the raid. Stephen Farrell holds joint British-Irish citizenship. Teashop Biffo "Brian" Cowen has so far made no comment or thanks for the sacrifice of the British soldier who rescued an Irish citizen. Is Biffo the new Ungrateful Bastard of The Year, replacing popular Hamid Karzi? Or has the Irish Prez. offered the Republic's thanks on his behalf?

Friday, 4 September 2009

Branwen Jeffreys Scared Me Today

At the end of a piece on the news today (approx. 12 minutes in) about the botched management of a cannibal schizophenic triple murderer the reporter, Branwen Jeffries, sought to calm a panicking nation, rather like Nick Ross's catchphrase at the conclusion of Crimewatch "Don't have nightmares." Ms Jeffries calmly stated that the risk of being murdered in the UK was 1 in 1,000 and the chance of being murdered by a schizophrenic was 1 in 20,000. Er, I'm going to live in Afghanistan if it's really that dangerous. Actually the chance of being murdered in England and Wales* is about 12 per million ( one of the lowest rates in the world) and the risk of being murdered by someone with a mental illness was 0.07 per million. Giving crap statistics, it's what we do. A pity really as there's an excellent programme on Radio 4 called More Or Less that deals with stats.

* the risk of being muddrrrrd in Scotland is about 50% higher and, ironically, the murder rate in Northern Ireland rose after the peace agreement, so it did.

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Notes From A Hospital Bed

I discovered this excellent new blog today via the Englishman.
He's too good to get well soon - that's not very fair, is it?

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

So The UK Is In Afghanistan Because...

Fighting the war on terror against Al Quaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan protects us in England according to Marshal Ainsworth and Notmyfault Broon. Unfortunately, Al Quaeda don't listen to him as they are happy to work from Syria and Iran with the assistance and protection of those countries' governments as this article from the excellent Long War Journal reveals. Doh!

Monday, 31 August 2009

Eire Planned Terrorist Attacks On UK

I read this amazing piece in today's Sunday Times. Now I always had evil suspicions about Jack Lynch, Charles Haughey and Neil Blaney but this confirms it. So that's why the Kennedy clan were so well received by elements of the Irish political establishment. The unlamentedTeddy will have plenty of friends to greet him down there.
Isn't it ironic that the closest friends of War on Terror America (Ireland and Israel) are the result of terrorist campaigns? I remember hearing some years ago that the CIA had started the Troubles as payback for Harold Wilson refusing to get involved in Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia. It was something that would adversely affect Britain's freedom of movement and pin us down close to America at a time just after the French chucked American forces out of France and left NATO. Such a pity as the withdrawal from East of Suez had taken place and 1968 was the first year since the end of WW2 that no British servicemen had been killed on active service.

You can watch the RTE One programme If Lynch Had Invaded that prompted the Sunday Times article online.

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Devolve UK Defence Policy In Afghanistan To Rockall

And then the Rockall Secretary for Defence, A. Gannet MRP, can announce the immediate withdrawal of UK forces from Afghanistan for re-equipment and training. No responsibility for the decision could be traced to our own dear Defence Secretary, Wig Arsewipe or whoever, who knows rockall about defence. Simples.

Saturday, 22 August 2009

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Law and Compassion

Biggs is freed, Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi may be freed, but Gary McKinnon is to be extradited to the USA and Alan Johnson claims he can do nothing to prevent it. Bollox! If the Establishment want something done for their benefit then ways are always found and the populo minuto just have to accept it because the Established order can never be voted out. That's why we have a democracy to preserve their power.

My Afghanistan Moment

At the moment, I'm digging up the old (four years) strawberry bed in order to put in a row of raspberries and a smaller number of new strawberry plants ( the nearby frog pond has massively reduced slug and bird predation so I don't need so many).
One thing that both strawbs and rasps like is horse manure so I'm putting as much of the stuff in the ground as possible. Fortunately, there's a paddock nearby that offers it free to take away (because horses and ponies don't stop making it). Unfortunately, when I went this morning with three old compost bags and a fork, the gate was chained shut. The alternative was to climb over the wooden post and rail fence with pig netting on one side and a strand of barbed wire on top. So I put the bags and fork over and stepped up onto the first rail preparatory to lifting my leg over when I notice the proximity of the barbed wire to my groin. One false move... and the fun of carrying the full bags thirty yards to the fence, lifting them over and risking pulling my back. I do not want to sustain an injury for the sake of free horse shit. And then I thought why on earth are we fighting in Afghanistan when unmanned drones do a perfectly good job of squashing potential malfeasants (which is where the UK's national interest there starts and finishes). I'll go back another day and hope the very nice pony owners are there and have unlocked the gate.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Alan Duncan: Loose Cannon

Ooops, Missus, he's done it again! Tory wit Alan Duncan MP is in trouble for spouting offensive garbage. Of course he has form and, like Mandy, a Get Out of Gaol card to preserve his meteoric rise from oil trader to oily politician. What!? He's gay? How could anyone suspect without him mentioning it every five minutes? Or so it appears.
Dave Cameron could prove that he harbours not a trace of "homophobia" (literally, fear of the same and not dislike of homosexualists) by sacking the twat and letting him quietly reflect on his puerile behaviour on the backbenches.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

A Modest Proposal

It's all fine and dandy for Alan "Labour's John Major" Johnson to say that he is happy about the population of the UK to rise from about 61 million to 70 million. as he and the rest of the political nomenklatura will be safeguarded from the effects of government policy while the rest of the country is forced to live closer together. While the population of the UK is forecast to rise the population of England will rise disproportionately: indeed so unpopular is Scotland with immigrants that living there will fast track naturalisation. And where will the extra ten million go with all the proposed windfarms filling up the countryside?
This statement of the bleeding obvious from a Judge and the "British" Council's proposal to outsource 100 jobs to India has got my little grey matter working on a modest proposal to solve the immigration problem and, coincidentally, improve the welfare of deserving foreigners.
I propose a pilot scheme of Offshore Immigration. People wishing to migrate to Britain for economic or asylum reasons will instead be located in parts of Africa or Asia rented from the local kleptocracy and managed by a charitable trust without government funding. Favourable leases will be granted to companies wishing to establish manufacturing factories using locally-sourced raw materials and taxation will be kept to a minimum. Compulsory English language and culture training will be provided and after ten years' satisfactory service all migrants will be eligible to apply for British residence conditional on the availability of long-term jobs. Migrants will be able to return to their countries of origin at any time and remittance of salaries to boost their homeland economies.
It may be argued that it is unfair to migrants to disallow their residence in England's green an pleasant land but they would still obtain considerable security and economic advantages. Just don't call the offshore economic areas colonies.

Michael Yon Online Magazine

Just in case there is anyone left who hasn't seen the excellent photos and reports of the War in Afghanistan on his website, may I recommend Michael Yon Online. Oh, and because he doesn't get a telly tax to regurgitate MoD press notices, donations to keep him going are very politely requested.

Please May We Have A Revolution?

Three things I read today make me really angry . This, this and this. And this. The people "in charge" are having a laugh at our expense aren't they?

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

British War Aims In Afghanistan

What's wrong with accepting that the majority of people in Afghanistan and the Third World in general are content to live in the seventh century, just as many people in the west read the bible literally or have no greater cultural desires than X-Factor or Emmerdale? Why can't large tracts of the world be established as cultural protection reserves* where indigenous peoples can live out their lives free of western liberal enlightenment, science and technology? Without that care the particular knowledge of societies handed down through hundreds of generations will be lost for ever. The reserves would be sustainable because a lack of modern medicine, electricity, etc would limit population growth. Should anyone wish to leave and live in the west they must agree to accept our values and renounce theirs.

* Yes, just like the Savage Reservation in Brave New World.

Taliban To Be Granted Liberty Of Luton?

In an attempt to improve community relations in Luton, it has been proposed that a band of Taliban terrorists/fighters will be accorded the honour of a march with AK-47s and RPG-7s through the City of Luton when they next visit the city to renew their Housing Benefit and Income Support claims and pick up free prescriptions for their extended families.

For Health & Safety reasons the suicide bomber squad will not take part due to the risk of them incuring ankle sprains and other injuries by walking in flipflops on potentially wet road surfaces.

Monday, 27 July 2009

Helicopters For Swine Flu Victims

Chinook and Merlin helicopters will be provided to swine flu victims as part of a government plan to obtain good headlines regardless of sense and cost. People with flu symptoms will be asked to phone a hotline which will allocate a contract number for a Flu Friend to collect a helicopter from either the Boeing factory in America or AgustaWestland in Yeovil. Flu Friends should have a minimum of 250 hours' on either type and be prepared to wait up to two years for delivery.

Defence Minister Identification Quiz

Which of these is Bollock"Bob" Ainsworth, the 23rd least important cabinet minister?
Personally I would have more confidence in Captain George Mainwaring as Minister of Defence and Chancellor of the Exchequer. I can imagine him dismiss Gordon Broon's mistakes ("Mr Mainwaring, I've sold the gold reserve") with "You stupid boy!"

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Ground Hits Plane Video

The second rule of flight is that every aircraft is always able to reach the ground. Take a look at this video of what appears to be a Pitts Special ending its display unconventionally by shunting a car. I once saw a K-13 glider shunt a Montego a couple of yards after ground looping. Amazingly, it appeared the K-13 escaped with just a dented nose and a shattered canopy but a full engineering inspection was merited. What annoys me is the amateur, nay ignorant, style of the report by the Beeb hack. What does "the bottom frame off the airplane" mean? The undercarriage, the undersurface of the fuselage, the lower wing or all three? And given that the BBC is the British Broadcasting Corporation, what is an airplane when the proper word is aeroplane or aircraft? Arrgh! Flying can be reported properly by the BBC as this post shows.

Saturday, 11 July 2009

The BBC Drops a Clanger With Torchwood, Children of Earth

Torchwood Children of Earth, the 5 part mini-series was well up to its usual standards, although the central characters ("Captain"* Jack, Gwen and Ianto) were easily out-acted by everyone else from Peter Capaldi downwards. Within its genre of trashy scifi it is good and I enjoyed it, watching the first three episodes back-to-back on iPlayer.
One thing made me laugh, however. The original dozen children abducted by the alien 456** species to act as drug implants (ugh) were secretly provided by the British Government of the time in return for a virus antidote. It was clearly stated several times that the handover took place in 1965. 1965! When was Harold Wilson's Labour Government*** in office? 1964-1970! So the BBC is accusing Labour of perpetrating the most ghastly crime against the weakest members of our nation, not only that the children were from a Scottish care home. Could Torchwood be evidence that the BBC is attempting to curry favour with its next licence setter, the Tory Party? After all, changing the original abduction date to any time between 1951 and 1964 would have been easy for the set dressers and costumiers (because no changes were needed).

* Why "Captain" when he wears RAF Group Captain / ROC Observer Captain rank slides on his greatcoat?
** Why did an alien civilisation capable of interplanetary flight use a radio wavelength to communicate with earth instead of the much better DAB? Probably because DAB is crap, by and large.
*** Which promoted the "white heat of technology" ie cancelling TSR2 and AW681. Still, the Open University is excellent and Harold kept us out of Vietnam and Europe.

The Party Wall etc, Act 1996

I've been concentrating on other more presssing things lately (the title of this blog will give a hint). In general, the PWA , despite it emerging from the Gummerite Department of Environment, is a pretty good piece of legislation. Essentially an updating of a 1938 Act that originally applied only to London, the PWA now applies to England and Wales as well. It is necessary in a small, overcrowded island where they're not making land anymore. It enables property owners to develop their property while at the same time protecting the interests of adjoining owners and keeping 98% of developments out of the courts thereby saving time and money. One or two party wall surveyors are appointed to draw up a schedule of condition of the properties with photos and produce a Party Wall Award setting out things like order of work etc. The common law duty of the owner to the neighbour is thus formalised and clear, agreed evidence is available in case anything goes wrong with the build.
As is made clear in the excellent explanatory booklet for the layperson, the owner must serve either one or two months' notice on the neighbour before starting works. Of course, with the neighbour's written consent, work can start earlier. But, here is the flaw in the Act. Although it states in the Act that the owner must serve notice, the only recourse for the adjoining owner in those cases where the neighbour fails to serve notice is to obtain an injunction to cease work until the PWA procedure is carried out. Failure to obey an injunction is contempt of court which may result in a fine or imprisonment. However, injunctions cost about £1,000+ and one may have to return to court to have one enforced - more expense and bother. Compare this arrangement with the duty of the adjoining owner to allow the neighbour's surveyor and builders unobstructed access onto his land for working and placing foundations. Refusal to comply is a criminal offence punishable by a fine of up to £1,000 (s.16 PWA, 1996).
My modest one clause amendment to the Act is the creation of the offence of failing to serve proper notice on an adjoining owner. The punishment will be on the same level 3 scale as obstructing or hindering.
And yes, if you are wondering, our delightful neighbours attempted to foist a ten day take it or leave it otherwise any damage is your responsibility letter on us back in May. Their PWA surveyor apponted by their solicitor, they are really that nice sort of people, was still waiting to be formally appointed last week. Their builders dug out a trial pit on the boundary to assess foundation depths on Wednesday (still not filled in) without notice - I thought works were starting prematurely, to be blamed in reply by the husband for causing a three month delay to works. My advice to any neighbour of property developers is to read the links, and consult a RICS PWA surveyor as soon as possible if you think your neighbour can't be trusted to treat you as they would expect you to treat them. The building owner pays for both parties' survey costs (indeed with reasonable neighbours a single PWA surveyor is sufficient) so you have nothing to lose.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Come To Redacted England

Spend a week in England, home of Parliamentary Privilege, Data Protection and Anti-Terrorism Legislation, spend anything actualy as we need your money to pay our MPs and Lords. See our sights (no photography allowed without permits).

I Am Religious Therefore I Can Make Up My Own Rules

Another Christian Registrar is complaining that she is expected to conduct gay civil partnerships against her beliefs. Earth to Plant Faith: You conducted non-religious civil marriage ceremonies for £28,000 per year yet didn't exhort the happy couple to adjourn to the nearest church instead. If you wanted pick'n'mix why didn't you work for Woolworths? Oh, and how would you feel if a member of a political party for anyone from 9 to 99 (IQ that is) had objected, for their own deeply held reasons, to be married by a non-aryan/nordic ubermensch?
It is about time that all public servants are required to park their religious beliefs at the door before they start work just like the no communism or fascism rule when I joined the Civil Service. They would then be able to give their employers the same care and attention when dealing with them. Money would be saved by not having to accommodate prayer rooms (go outside with the smokers if necessary), for example. And for those people who claim that faith makes people more honest than atheists or humanists, look at the religious affiliations of our allowance-sponging "Honourable" Members. They run the whole gamut of holy hypocrisy.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Hypocrisy And The Journalists' Closed Shop

Compare the ongoing case of Suzanne Breen in Northern Ireland with the outing of Nightjack, the serving Detective Constable by Partick Foster of the Times. It appears that the ethics of the dead tree press learned at journalism colleges only stretch as far as their fellow chapel members. If only Nightjack had sold his information to a newspaper to increase its circulation and preserve hacks' jobs instead of blogging it himself he would still retain his anonymity. Triples all round!

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Nick Thingummy Pelted With Eggs

click on screen capture to enlarge

Whoever's responsible for updating the Sky News webpage might be looking for a job with Law Dallan tomorrow. Surely everyone knows the difference between "Nice" Nick Clegg (LimpDims) and "Nasty" Nick Griffin (BNP and Eastenders)?

With thanks to Sky News.

Friday, 5 June 2009

Ministry of Defeat

Buy this book as it's an excellent read. I'm on chapter 2 and can thoroughly recommend it. By clicking on the picture you link through to Amazon which is selling it for £13.99 inc p&p.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

A Break From Blogging

I'm taking an indeterminate break from blogging as a result of receiving this comment to a recent post I made about not being able to find shoes that fitted:

"I've come only because I was tempted by a link from Higham's site but the more I read of your self-serving whining the more I am persuaded that you are unable to take responsibility for your failings and exist by blaming others.

I've no idea, and absolutely no interest in, what your 'disability' is but I'm certain that you are an emotional and intellectual cripple.

If you want shoes that are not worth selling, do as I do and seek them out, and stop whining that no one is prepared to give them to you.

You demand 'equality' yet prove yourself inadequate for it."

(my green ink for emphasis)

Quite apart from the fact that the writer's criticisms relate to what he believes he read rather than the actual words of my post, the commenter banned me several weeks before from commenting on his blog after I rebutted another ad-hominem attack on me by him. I respect his freedom of expression, however distateful. It's that distate that has prompted this period of detoxification.

I don't think Sir Tim Berners-Lee had characters like him in mind when he invented the interwebby thing. Anyway, thank you all for all the comments you have left on my blog over the past five hundred odd posts. I hope you enjoyed reading at least some of them. I may be back on this blog or another one in the future, but I will continue to read your blogs.

Thank you and best wishes.

Sunday, 17 May 2009

This Can Be Allowed By The Fees Office

It's a Percy Pig sound cushion from Marks & Spencers. And it's only £15. It should be compulsory.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Only Connect?

Damian McBride left his job without severance pay as a SpAd for Gordon Brown after Smeargate revealed, amongst other stories (it seems so long ago now), an attempt to libel an MP with details of a weekend spent in a hotel with another person.

Damian McBride went incommunicado.

The Daily Telegraph publishes the contents of a diskful of MPs' expense claims obtained from an anonymous source. The newspaper is evasive about any payments it may have made.

Am I right in seeing a possible link between the events? Did 10 Downing Street have access to the parliamentary expense claim details as a means of ensuring the loyaly or acquiescence of MPs? I don't believe that anything as outrageous as this could happen because even Brown and McBride wouldn't sink that low and hope that it is never shown to be true because that would utterly destroy my confidence in the whole political system and where would that leave us.

MPs Who Wrongly Claim Mortgage Payments

Are utterly greedy dishonest bastards who should be prosecuted and sent to the Lord Ahmed Health Spa for Parliamentarians for at least a week. I doubt they would serve longer than the public spirited leaker of the unredacted (never seen that word outside of a law textbook before this last week, rather like catafalque was only used when HM The Queen Mother was lain in state) expenses claims.
What has prompted this rage is a letter, one of a series, that I received from Prudential this morning telling me that the endowment policy I purchased in 1989 was likely to significantly undershoot its target on maturity. Just what I wasn't told in 1989 when endowment policies were sold as winning premium bonds and they wouldn't merely pay off one's mortgage but would take a sizeable bite from the national debt. Alas, it now appears my monthly payments, like those for my AVCs have gone towards subsidizing the bonanza payouts of people whose policies matured in the 1990s and earlier. And MPs get free money when I'm effectively feeding mine into a shredder. Arrrrrgh!

Recession? What Recession? Number 2

I followed the lead of Andrew Allison and contacted my MP by email to express my opinion of Mr Speaker and ask his views on the motion of no-confidence. Within two days I received a very polite reply signed by my MP himself. I must admit I am impressed by such efficiency but wonder if it might be better value for money if emails are answered with emails instead of with lovely quality House of Commons stationery.

Friday, 15 May 2009

The Reading Age of MPs

If an MP is unable to understand The Green Book guide to Members' allowances (66 pages) and submits incorrect expenses claims, how can they be expected to ratify the Lisbon Treaty (231 pages) or appreciate the September 2002 Dossier on Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction ? Unfortunately, this document can't be found on the No10 website (how appropriate) except as a 40 page Arabic translation.

I propose that all MPs and PPCs are required to pass a comprehension test on the Green Book as a qualification for sitting in the House of Commons.

I further propose that the current Parliamentary Fees Office staff are posted out to other jobs and replaced by disabled servicemen and women whose injuries were suffered as a result of inadequate equipment that was ignored on a bipartisan basis by the vast majority of MPs. It would be a delight to read of "Honourable Members" forced to buy at Ikea or secondhand or simply make do without.

Thursday, 14 May 2009

MPs and Lords Proposals

I have several proposals to reform Parliament and make it fit for the purpose of holding the Government to account:

1 If MPs are moaning there isn't enough work for them to do then the number of MPs must be reduced to say 400 as a reasonable first step. There only needs to be a maximum of 100 members of the House of Lords. Lords and Ladies would only be allowed to sit for a maximum of ten years before retiring or being renominated. And why not elect the Upper House on a two members per county PR basis?

2 MPs should be given written job descriptions with agreed performance targets. Their performance should be independently assessed annually and failing MPs should be given a year to improve. Two failures in a row would be published.

3 MPs should be subject to a call back by-election if 10% of their constituents sign a petition.

4 MPs' salaries should be pegged to the Senior Civil Service Pay Band 1. Employment terms and conditions should be as per the Senior Civil Service, ie fixed 5 year renewable contracts. If MPs do their jobs properly they are easily worth the top of the pay band.

5 MPs must demonstrate in-depth understanding of the constitution and parliamentary system. They should undertake a minimum of two months' shadowing or internship in the public and private sector each year. Members of Departmental Select Committees (DSC) must have practical experience of the areas and issues covered by the committees. Given this expertise, DSCs will take on the task of confirming candidates for ministerial posts. The will become more like US congressional committees.

6 MPs must rediscover the sublime joy of being awkward bastards for whom every penny must be accounted for as being well spent and all alternative courses of action examined.

7 The Speaker must rediscover her historic role of upholding the independence of MPs against the executive and setting the tone for the House of Commons. You noticed I said "her" : I propose that Kate Hoey is made the Speaker as soon as possible.

8 Voting at elections should be made compulsory. A box should be added to each voting slip for "None of the above are satisfactory". Postal and proxy votes should only be available for certified medical conditions and holidays.

Recession? What Recession?

I would have thought that the retail sector would have been as keen as mustard to make a sale in these straightened (especially for MPs now) credit crunchy times. Not so as I discovered recently.

I am the proud owner of a pair of plates of meat that measure UK size 13, 4E width , ie the sort of gorilla feet that would never squeeze into a glass slipper. However, last year, before the £ crashed against the $ (so how is the UK economy stronger than everyone else, Gordon?) I bought my perfect pair of shoes (Brooks Addiction Walker) online from the USA and they arrived in under a week with just a bunion of import duty and VAT to pay ( well moats don't clean themselves). Unfortunately, since then I've been unable to find an American supplier who sold the shoes in black in the right width or who was willing to post them out of the USA.

Imagine my joy when I found a British shoeshop that did mail order, sold the shoes in black, in size 13... but only medium width. Undaunted, I emailed them with an offer to buy two pairs in my fitting:


Just a quick email to ask if you can supply these shoes in size UK13 black 4E width as the web page only offers a standard medium width fitting. . Provided the price is reasonable I would order two pairs.
I bought a brown pair of these shoes from the States and have to say they are the most comfortable shoes I've ever worn.

Thanking you in anticipation of a positive reply.


And this morning, I received this reply:

"Thank you for your email.
Unfortunately, if you cannot see these shoes available on our website then we will not be able to supply them.

If you have any further questions, feel free to get in touch.

Best Regards,

Customer Service Team"

Notice that there is no sales pitch beyond take it or leave it. Wouldn't something like "we could add your order to our next delivery from the wholesaler/manufacturer if you wish to leave a deposit" have been more businesslike? Well that's taught me a lesson. Next time I walk along the high street and see empty shops, I won't think "Oh, what a shame", instead it will be " Couldn't be bothered to offer what the potential customer wanted to buy". What a shame!

If anyone knows where I can get a couple of pairs of these shoes at a reasonable price, please let me know.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Only The Little People Pay Taxes

How Leona Helmsley's famous words must grate like a squeaky blackboard to the 4'10" chipmunk. It's all very well writing a £13,332 cheque (surprising that she keeps that amount in a current account) to HMRC, fao A. Darling. It won't do her any good. A good reputation is priceless and no amount of money can buy it back. The next cheque Hazel Blears writes should be for £19,998, being the 60% balance of the capital gain on the sale of her former London home. If she has any sense of honour she will donate it immediately to Help For Heroes. It may mitigate her sentence. And then with Jacqui Smith in tow she will spend her few remaining years before retirement, quietly and without any fuss, sluicing bedpads and cleaning toilets and smiling at all the soldiers at Selly Oak Hospital. And every other rat faced bastard daring to call themself an "Honourable Member" who takes the parliamentary shilling and who has benefitted from an increase in the value of taxpayer subsidised second homes or has otherwise manipulated the allowance system should make a similar donation. And Blair should have his houses confiscated using the Proceeds of Crime Act (but it wasn't intended for circumstances like this his wife will bleat, neglecting the misuse of the Terrorism Act against Iceland to cite one of thousands of examples). Because nearly every MP is guilty of agreeing to the illegal, unnececessary war in Iraq that cost this country so much in lives, money and international standing.
And every MP should lie awake in bed listening out for their consciences and wishing they could turn back their John Lewis clocks so that they hadn't submitted a claim for them because they could.

Saturday, 9 May 2009

You Don't Always Have To Claim Expenses

When I first worked for the Civil Service over twenty years ago I discovered it was cheaper to live at home and commute daily into London. This required me to buy a combined rail and London Transport season ticket: it accounted for over half my post tax income. The season ticket allowed access on all London zones. As part of my official duties I often had to travel from central London down to Croydon and Chessington. Colleagues living in London bought tickets and reclaimed the cost via T&S forms. I never claimed because I used my season ticket. So I was making official journeys at my own expense. And that was when I budgeted £10 per week for incidentals because that was all I could afford. If I could put the public purse first when I was frankly skint then MPs should do the same.

The Times Reckons This Photo Shows Guy Gibson

According to the caption underneath the picture Guy Gibson is stroking the dog. As I explained in my email to The Times the photo:

"does not show Wing Commander Guy Gibson stroking his dog since the airman stroking it has a Warrant Officer badge on his tunic sleeve."

Here is a photograph of Wing Commander Guy Penrose Gibson VC, DSO & Bar, DFC & Bar, RAF.

This is his wikipedia biography.

And that dog definitely isn't a labrador.

Perhaps The Times ought to change its masthead motto to "Near enough is good enough". I haven't seen a correction in the paper yet.
Update: 16 May The Times corrects itself :


Readers too numerous to mention, including more than one retired group captain, have queried the archive photo that accompanied a May 7 report on a new Dam Busters film and purported to show Guy Gibson with fellow crewmen plus his dog. Most pointed out that the airman in question was displaying a warrant officer's badge on his sleeve rather than a wing commander's, and some even doubted the identity of the dog.
The photo was firmly captioned as Guy Gibson, but long experience tells us that if just one Times reader indicates an error they're probably wrong, two or three and we start to worry, and six or more are almost certainly right; so we have erred on the side of caution and taken it down from Times Online. "

Gordon Brown's London Flat: It Stinks Despite All That Cleaning

I don't understand the story about the cleaning bills paid for 26 months from December 2004. He bought the flat in 1992 from Arthur Anderson, the administrators of the failed Maxwell empire for £130,000. On 19 March 2005 he transferred it to Sarah Brown. It was no longer his property. She allowed his nephew to live in it for a few weeks at least and, in 2007, it was stated that the Browns had no plans to rent it on the open market but would make it available to friends and family. So the Son of the Manse has his constituency house, the grace-and-favour flat at No 10 or No 11 Downing Street (the Blairs had No 11 because its flat was larger) which is tied-accommodation and his Westminster flat, aka the property boom milch cow. And Brown can claim off pensioners' savings interest to have his wife's nest-egg cleaned.
Why not put everything on a level playing field and put burglars in charge of rewriting the Theft Act and judging each other so that they keep their business "within the rules"? Wasn't "it was within the rules" rejected as a defence at Nuremburg?

Friday, 8 May 2009

An MP's Expenses Claim That Was Refused By The Fees Office

Before the herd of troughing swine rush off to buy coproxamol and penknives on expenses to save themselves the indignity of signing on after the next election because the regulations they agreed amongst themselves (MPs being experts in rubber-stamping EUdiktats) are soooo difficult to understand and they can't be expected to fill out forms and hold the government to account - that's Joanna Lumley's job, may I take a breather..... and propose that in future no claims will be accepted without proper receipts and a biometric ID card. And they must immediately advise any changes in circumstances.

Two messages to MPs:

1 Paul Murphy - if your hot water is too hot adjust the boiler or turn on the cold tap.

2 Gordon Brown - if you claimed £6,000 to clean your flat how much will it cost us to clean the whole country of twelve years of Labour filth? And why the hell do Labour MPs make so much mess? Mr Pig meet Mr Hoover.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Pam Ayres Should Be The English Poet Laureate

Britology Watch has made an excellent post on the installation of Carol Ann Duffy as the Poet Laureate. Ms Duffy ticks all the boxes for the literati but, in my opinion, like most poets whose work is used for exams, her poems tend to be a bit of a walk uphill with heavy shopping. Who honestly recalls with pleasure, or buys (rather than has bought for them) slim volumes of Ted Hughes or Seamus Heaney. It seems that to be valued by the great and the good poems have to be the verbal* equivalent of wholemeal bread or hemp underwear. Very worthy and technically well-crafted but not much pleasure for the average reader.
Now, as Aleksandr the Meerkat might say, compare Carol Ann Duffy, "Mrs Lazarus" with Pam Ayres "Oh I Wish I'd Looked After Me Teeth". Simple, squeak. Surely Pam Ayres can capture the nation's spirit just as well as any other poet and she could produce bettter rhymes for William an' 'Arry, for example. "When the wedding banns are posted" is a phrase almost made for Miss Ayres' Oxfordshire accent as is "Doing right by the Gurkhas". So come on and make Pam Ayres the English Poet Laureate and help cheer the country up.

* verbal because poetry has to be read aloud to be properly appreciated.

Thursday, 30 April 2009


After all, Our Beloved Leader is the only person able to save the world.

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

One Scenario For The Home Office To Consider

Imagine a plush villa in suburban Islamabad and the satellite tv is showing all the news reports about swine flu. Naturally, Osama thinks "why don't I get a few dozen longhaul tickets cheap from the bucket shop in town and send some trainee martyrs for a week's holiday in Mexico and then onwards to anywhere in the west?" There's no need for the logistical problem of smuggling explosives and weapons through airport security and the lads only have to go to cinemas, museums, shopping malls, football grounds, hospitals etc and refrain from stopping their sneezes with hankies and tissues. Just imagine the disruption that could be caused.
I hope this scenario has been identified in the COBRA talks and that the Border and Immigration Agency is back-checking incoming passenger manifests against the original departure airports.

Monday, 27 April 2009

Aircraft Recognition

Two clues: neither aircraft is a Catalina nor a Burnelli.

Here's another clue:

Friday, 24 April 2009

Nulab Prefers People Who Hate Britain

The anti-patriotic perfidious bastards who cloak themselves in the flag when they see electoral advantage have today committed an outrageous act of treachery against our loyal Gurkha friends. Using the most weasely, narrow-minded interpretation of the law, Woollas and Brown have decided to allow a maximum of 4,300 Gurkhas and their families to live in the UK. It's more likely to be about 100. Here's the BBC report.
What annoys me is the fact that Nulabour hands out an annual jizya of £70 million for preventing extremism yet refuses to honour a covenant of honour to very proud, loyal and brave people with a tradition of serving Britain since 1816.
Please take a look at the Gurkha Justice Campaign website. Anyone who gets on the wrong side of the Brigade of Gurkhas and Joanna Lumley had better be a bloody good runner.

* little only in stature but giants in every other respect.

Update thanks to Iain Dale: the Brown Woollas betrayal has been defeated by 60 votes in a division in the House of Commons. Ayo Gurkhali!

I'll Make It £200

click to enlarge

Do the BBC employ subeditors?

Update 10:15pm the Beeb has added an m.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Cynical Scotch Colonialist Overlords.

The colonial government suddenly realises that English people are getting increasingly annoyed by their position at the bottom of the pile - things must be bleeding obvious when dim Harriet gets the picture. So, with the zeal of the converted hypocrit, NuLiebore wraps itself in the flag it chose to ignore and despise until the opinion polls sent it a wake-up call.

But how thumpingly inept to encourage English people to celebrate their saint's feast day in a diverse, culturally inclusive day by increasing the price of a pint of beer the very same day. I realise that Alaistair needs to find every penny to pay for his predecessor's mistakes but come on and get someone English to work in the No 10 spin sewage works.

I will celebrate St George's Day in the traditional English manner: tomorrow I will think "yesterday was St George's Day and Shakespeare's birthday, oh well". The fact is that England is always best thank you very much and we do not need a special day to massage a cultural inferiority complex with cod displays of pygmy nationalism and celtic alcoholism.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Contrasting Styles Of Policing Demonstrations



The traitors in Luton were protected by the Police because it is HM Government policy to appease our enemies. The demonstrators in London were a threat to HM Government's stage- managing of the £50 million G20 non-event (ie attempt to decrease Gordo's unpopularity).

I grew up with a Ladybird book, Dixon of Dock Green, Juliet Bravo hard-wired instinctive trust of and respect for our Police. I want to keep that respect because without an impartial Police force to uphold the law life at all levels would be rendered near impossible. But the corrosive effects of political correctness and social liberalism working in common purpose has brought policing to the stage where ambitious coppers seek to please politicians instead of serving the public good. Yes, defining that term "public good" is like stapling jelly to the ceiling, but ordinary English people have an inbuilt idea of what it isn't. Recent events in public life clearly demonstrate that radical reform of all our publicly funded bodies is required urgently. And don't think that the equally corrupt practices employed in the private sector can escape criticism and change.
We must give this government the biggest wake-up call at the forthcoming elections, a landslide defeat that even the most Stakhanovite ballot stuffer or shredder cannot alter. And then we must write to our MPs and prospective parliamentary candidates and tell them in surgeries and public meetings that we will not put up with their wishy-washy let's be nice policies but demand, on pain of voting for the nasty parties, that a complete radical excision of the Nulabour cancer is performed within one parliament. Simultaneously, the interests of England and English people must be made paramount; why, our unlected PM and many of his junta pledged the same for Scotland when they signed the Claim of Right. The United Kingdom Parliament (minus the Labour puppets in the Lords) will become the de-facto English Parliament by force of numbers. MPs from outside England will still contribute their wisdom and knowledge to debates and committees but will, out of courtesy, refrain from voting on English-only legislation.

For The Home Secretary Who's Got Almost Everything (On Expenses)

The end of a ministerial career. And they're made in Scotland.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Draper & McBride Unpersons

Minitru Bulletin 16 April 2009

Redrag doubleplusungood. Website part of plan by Cameron terrorists to overthrow GB and surrender Airstrip 1 to doubleplusungood Tories - three minute hate.
Junior Comrade Smith of the Kirkaldy Youth Pioneers has been awarded a BA in Basic Literacy from the University of Inberkley and has been assigned to the Five-A-Day Team, Khandahar.

Chocolate ration increased to 10 grammes each week to celebrate doubleplusgood employment stats. Chocolate ration has been increased from 20 grammes as a result of the victory of our eternal allies the Somali Pirates.
Victory gin ration increased to 100ml to celebrate doubleplusgood landslide victory of Ingsoc in June 2010 General Election. Block Wardens exceeeded the target to recycle postal votes within 24 hours of counting to demonstrate Ingsoc commitment to environment.

New photo of GB and SB visiting heroes of Ingsoc working all hours to increase voluntary work for children to 50 hours.

Long Live GB, Long Live Ingsoc, Long Live Airstrip 1

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

The Real Smeargate: Remember?

Devolution brings so many benefits to the United Kingdom, at least to those parts outside England. Since 2003, Englishwomen have had to wait until they are 25 before they are offered cervical "smear"* tests by the English NHS. Women in Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland continue to be offered them from 20 onwards. Oddly, the NHS cervical screening programme website does not mention this. This page from the Jo's Trust website sets out the unequal state of affairs. The increase in age eligibility in England was the result of research based on statistics from all over the UK. But the non-existent English Assembly / Government did not have the delegated powers of the other nations to ignore the recommendations of the research paper and prioritise the interests of Englishwomen. Instead, like free prescriptions etc, the UK Department of Health could not justify the expenditure in England.
As a result of the recent death of Jade Goody, an expert panel will report later this year on the benefits of restoring 20 upwards testing for Englishwomen.

There is a petition to reduce the starting age to 18 in England here.

The spatula and slide technology which gave rise to the term smear (ie putting the sample on a glass microscope slide) is being replaced by a technique called liquid based cytology in which

"The sample is collected in a similar way to the conventional smear, using a special device which brushes cells from the neck of the womb. [ ] the brush, where the cells are lodged, is broken off into a small glass vial containing preservative fluid, or rinsed directly into the preservative fluid. The sample is sent to the laboratory where it is spun and treated to remove obscuring material, for example mucus or pus, and a random sample of the remaining cells is taken. A thin layer of the cells is deposited onto a slide. The slide is examined in the usual way under a microscope by a cytologist."

That Liam Byrne's A Generous Bloke Isn't He?

I was amazed by this Cabinet Office news release. Are we paying our Ministers too much? Oh, I see, it's the Cabinet Office that is giving public (yours and mine) money to charities. Coincidentally, will those charities support Labour Government policies?

No, Prime Minister

The Code of Conduct for Special Advisers does not need tightening up, revising or whatever. Point 6 fits the circumstances of smeargate.

Hitler Wasn't On the Circulation List Of The Minutes Of The Wannsee Conference

So that,apparently, puts the Austrian paperhanger in the clear for the Final Solution and all the blame should be attached to Heydrich and Eichmann for circulating a protocol that wasn't meant to be seen by anyone else, anyway. Adolf is doing everything possible to help hardworking aryan families in this unprecedented global conflict. I'm sure there's a contemporary scandal that has interesting parallels. Aren't employers responsible for the actions of their employees on company premises in company time? I'm pretty certain that misuse of email in the manner reported justifies dismissal without notice for gross misconduct with loss of pension rights.
Digressing, did Hitler claim Berchtesgarten as his second home?

Sunday, 12 April 2009

England Is Suffering From Amnesia

No-one remembers the G20 spinfest now after Smeargate. Hard cheese Gordon! You just don't get more than two days of luck, do you? Don't bother spending a few £ hundred million of printed money to buy votes as it will only postpone the inevitable. Just use your moral compass to find the bearing of an early general election and lead your rotten party into political oblivion for the good of the country. For once, do something courageous for the benefit of other people. Another, cleaner Labour Party that Clement Atlee and Ernie Bevin wouldn't cross the road from can and must arise to help restore proper democracy in England. As Oliver Cromwell said 356 years ago:

"You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately. Depart, I say and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go! You are no Parliament."
The sooner you go and retire back to Kirkaldy the better posterity will regard you. Every day you stay is another day's delayed cleaning out of the Augean stables of our society. I'm not claiming Cameron will have all of the solutions, but he won't have created most of the problems that you refuse to accept any responsibility for.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Section 76, Counter Terrorism Act 2008

Now we know why this bulwark of the War On Terror is so necessary:

I am pleased that Sir Paul Stephenson, Metropolitan Police Commissioner and Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary have put their full support behind the IPCC investigation of the events leading up to the death of Mr Tomlinson. Quite simply, the behaviour of the policeman who pushed the chap from behind would not be tolerated outside a pub on a Saturday night or in a primary school playground. The thug who did it, if he has ever heard of Peel's Nine Principles of Policing ,obviously feels more at home with those of Beria, Goering, Mugabe et alii.

I will be donating £1 for every non-anonymous comment received up to £20 to the Police Dependants Trust . Please have the officer seriously injured in a burglary early this morning in Newham and his family in your thoughts. I wish him a speedy recovery and hope he is able to return to duty as soon as possible.

Update: 17 April 2009. It is my sad duty to report that PC Gary Toms died of the injuries he sustained whilst investigating the aggravated burglary reported above. My sincere thoughts and sympathies are with his family, friends and colleagues. He appears to have been the model of the quitely courageous and dedicated decent Police Officer that make up 99.9% of the Police. Why hasn't his death been reported widely?

I Don't Think George Dixon Would Have Done This

I discovered this clip of President Obama shaking the hand of the Policeman standing outside 10 Downing Street (presumably a crime of some sort had been committed inside and the constable was securing the area) from the excellent Guido Fawkes. Pace Guido, but I don't think OBL* has snubbed the copper. Surely, despite the obviously well meant gesture, the proper thing for the constable to do was to smartly come to attention andsalute the Head of State and Prime Minister. Formality and respect for office (if not the person in Brown's case) still have a place. Offering a handshake is what the big cheeses should then have done if they saw fit. Still, congratulations to the Duty Sergeant for making that copper's day/week/month /year/life. And congratulations to his mates for never letting him forget.

*OBL: Our Beloved Leader, so popular due to his masterful handling of the British economy that no vote was deemed necessary to install him as Prime Minister.

Hello Jacqui and Jack

Will you be bringing your hubby and children to eat in the 5% price increase-capped Palace of Westminster restaurants?

bomb, semtex, allah akbah, mustapha leik, number 10 downing street, MI5, MI6, House of commons, mohammed, tax increases, mosque, jihad, white power, BNP, National front, anthrax, nail bomb, gordon brown must die, assassinate, IRD, IRA, demonstration, rhubarb and custard, freedom of speech, nuclear device, machete, machine gun, chipolatas ...... democratic accountability.

Is it really worth keeping this post for a year?

Monday, 6 April 2009

Directive 2006/24/EC Post

For the purposes of this Directive *: aren't our government doing a wonderful job and isn't the European Union marvellous? Recession? It's only because I'm not spending enough. It is global and did not start in America. Is that ok for you Jacqui and Jack? Are you satisfied? How many fingers do you want me to see?

* Did your MP use the £10,000 communication allowance to advise you it was coming into operation today? Did the BBC? I only found out because of Old Holborn .


With thanks to the splendid EUreferendum for noticing this. It's a White House transcript of a speech and Q&A held in Strasbourg on 4 April posted on another website called TPM. I've emboldened the "Bushism" in this extract that The One is allowed to get away with by his PR team or rather the news media.

"Q Sonja Sagmeister from a little country, Austria, from Austrian Television. Mr. President, you said you came here to learn and to listen. So a quite personal question -- what did you learn from your personal talk with the European leaders? And did this change in a certain way your views on Europe and its politics?

PRESIDENT OBAMA: It's an interesting question. I had already formed relationships with many of them. Some of them I had met when I traveled through Europe before my election. Some of them I had met because they came to Washington after the election. This is the first time I've been in a forum with so many of them at the same time.
I'm extraordinarily impressed by the quality of leadership. I am constantly reminded that although there are cultural differences that are important and that we have to be sensitive to, what we have in common between Europe and the United States so vastly exceeds any differences that we have; that we should not forget why we are allies, and we should be careful about some of the easy stereotypes that take place on both sides of the borders.
It was also interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There's a lot of -- I don't know what the term is in Austrian -- wheeling and dealing -- and, you know, people are pursuing their interests, and everybody has their own particular issues and their own particular politics.
But I think it's a testimony to the success of the European Union, as well as NATO, that on very important issues, each leader seems to be able to rise above parochial interests in order to achieve common objectives. And I think that has accounted for some of the extraordinary success and prosperity of Europe over the last several years.

All those jokes about GWB asking how many trillions make a brazilian. A word in the shell-like of the liberal intelligentsia: you can gently take the piss out of someone even if they are black or otherwise non-white western male. when they make a mistake. Although Silvio Berlusconi, being a bald Italian friend of Mr Jowell, is skating on very thin ice (babelfish translation: ees a skaytin on a verrreee theen aice) with his buffoonery.

Update: Will BO talk Turkey in Ankara today?