Sunday, 3 August 2008

New English Religion?

I have read dozens of press reports of tribunals and court cases in which people professing relogious belief or "faith" have argued successfully that their beliefs either prevent them from doing things expected of the rest of us or grant them privileges.
As an Englishman, I have an instinctive dislike of unfairness and treating certain people differently is unfair. I have likes and dislikes and rational preferences but I am unable to exercise them when they clash with the law because I do not have an Invisible Magic Friend or Ambiguous Instruction Manual. The Law refuses to accept my right to exercise common sense in my interaction with the rest of the world.
I am therefore setting up a new religion to help me secure my rights and hopefully obtain charitable status and tax benefits. I reckon Esnes Nommoc is a good name for it. I'll keep the basic beliefs simple to avoid schism:

The Golden Rule - as first propounded by Greek philosophers "do unto others as you wish others to do unto you".
The Google Rule "do good".
The John Bull Rule " I don't mind if you don't agree with these ideas so long as you mind your own business".
And to keep the ladies happy, "put the loo seat down after you've finished using it".

That pretty much covers everything. There is no need to continually affirm your acceptance of the rules and no problem if you change your mind. Burning at the stake, stoning etc and wearing fancy dress proclaiming membership* of Esnes Nommoc are banned.

* Membership is free, open to anyone and not exclusive - you can be a different religionist and still be in Esnes Nommoc although best check first with your franchise operator that they are happy.


I Albion said...

Put me down as a member,
(although i quite like the fancy dress bit)and now i think about the burning and stoning sounds good too.a few names spring to mind.

Gallimaufry said...

Perhaps I should have phrased the fancy dress clause a bit better. I have a gorilla suit and enjoy wearing it (it will come in useful this winter with the gas price hikes) and don't mean that fancy dress is banned: only fancy dress that indicates membership of Esnes Nommoc.
Oh, the non hierarchical and decentralised nature of Esnes Nommoc means each member handles their own membership. So welcome to your religion i albion.

Liz said...

I do think you should mention chocolate somewhere on your list of rules. Maybe the cadburys rule: eat chocolate at every occasion. I would be very happy to join then.

Gallimaufry said...

Not just at every occasion: the chocofundamentalist wing believe it ought to be eaten in between as well! :-)