Sunday, 27 July 2008

This Week's Icarus Award For Air Safety Goes To...

The two drunk British (Oh let's be patriotic, English) women arrested by German police after lamping cabin crew with a voddie bottle (ban knives!) and trying to open the cabin door at FL30
(airspeak for f***ing long way down from 30,000 ft).

Now, I expect Sandra Burke and Tracey Tunstall have suffered a minimum of eleven years of an English state education so will only know about Nelson Mandela, global warming and how to colour in a triangle. But every vitually aeroplane film with jet passenger aircraft includes a scene of explosive decompression (as happened with the Qantas B747-400) in which cabin air and any thing not nailed down is sucked out through the hole in the fuselage. Oxygen masks pop down. Airliners fly at 30,000 ft plus to "avoid the weather" and turbulence. Unfortunately this means they avoid oxygen as the air gets thinner with altitude. Consequently, aircraft cabins and cargo holds are pressurised so that the atmosphere inside equates to about 8,000ft. So attempting to open the cabin door is a very serious thing to do and I hope the book is thrown at them. (Not that they'd read it).

I have a simple solution to the problem of passengers prone to drunkenness and/or air rage endangering the safety of the aircraft, passengers and crew. Triage the passengers before takeoff. Anyone looking like Anomie Soup, Army Shithouse or whoever else is unable to sit still and quiet for a couple of hours should be assessed as "Bloody Troublemakers". Make the bastards travel crated in the hold. It's done with animals. They get a cabin all to themselves, and don't have to walk a yard to get on or off the plane as it's all done for them with floor rollers and forklifts.

2 comments:

haddock said...

as you say in the post above....I don't know much about art.... but that Icarus loks a bit, y'know, well 'effeminate'; was his father a muslim ? is that why he is throwing him off a cliff ?

Gallimaufry said...

To the best of my knowledge all the "Abrahamic" religions have stern written injunctions against Julians (CofE please note) but also eating shellfish, planting different veg side by side, weaving cloth with different fibres, etc. He may look effeminate but it was probably a cold day and a long way down which is why his wasn't. Besides the only blokes that can look mannish without trousers are soldiers of British Army Highland Regiments (now all amalgamated alas). Excuse me while I reexamine the post above about Prescott.